MY ED STORY
Hi! I’m Cassi. I’ve lived with an eating disorder on and off for about half my life. I consider myself actively in recovery now. That looks different for everyone, but for me it means being intentional about healing my relationship with my body and food.
I’ve been through periods of active disordered eating, passive disordered eating, passive recovery, and active recovery. These distinctions have been important for me to make as I look back on my life. Sometimes I actively was destructive in my eating habits and used food or a lack of it to punish myself. Other times I was dealing with other issues in my life and food became a secondary way of having control over things. I consider passive recovery the times in my life when I wasn’t actively engaging in damaging behaviors, but wasn’t trying to make progress. When you look at actual time, this makes up the bulk of my life. Wouldn’t it be nice if the amount of time equaled the amount of affect?
Active recovery is where I’m at now. I define it as time when I am working on myself, being intentional about the information I expose myself to and the ways that I present myself to the world. This applies to my physical body, but also my whole sense of self.
My goal in active recovery is to take up space. Physically, vocally, and internally. Being fully in love with my appearance isn’t my experience 100% of the time, but what I can do is be fully present with myself. Being aware of the messages I’m sending and receiving from the world has been instrumental in this period of active recovery. I’ve started approaching my relationship with myself and with food from a place of curiosity and acceptance rather than shame, and that’s made all the difference.
I am so grateful for Restoration Rhino and the amazing Lydia for being a vocal advocate for healing, and for allowing me to be a part of it! I can’t wait to share my journey with you!