From My Mother

Hello.  My birth name is Melissa Joelene Thome/Rhino.  I do not know who I really am as I have been living with my eating disorder-anorexia nervosa-for 20+ years.  My eating disorder has taken my identity and a major portion of my life away from myself, as well as, my family.

I developed anorexia at the age of 16.  I got treatment and was in recovery within a year.  I was eating disorder free until my early 30's.

My family, husband and three children, have watched me suffer all these years with the demon that has taken over me.  I have missed out on a better part of their lives due to the control my eating disorder has over me.  They are my entire life and they support me in every way possible.

I developed my eating disorder as a way to cope with the loss of control that I had in my life.  I have ADHD, OCD, depression, and anxiety-the perfect storm waiting to blow.

I am now on my way to recovery.  I will not lie-recovery is extremely difficult.  My hope is that each moment of each day I am able to free myself of the voice in my head ruling MY LIFE!  With the love, support, and devotion my children have to see me recovered, I will fight my eating disorder with all my strength.

I DESERVE RECOVERY!

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I cried the first time I read this, and I will probably continue to cry every time I re-read it. This is the side of my mother that I adore. The honest woman, admitting to difficulties and still believing that she is worthy. She's in there! 

Seeing her push through the recovery pain is one million times better than seeing the pseudo-happy-actually-miserable mask I've seen her wear for so many years.

My mother is a badass. A badass worthy of recovery. All the beauty and bitterness! 

I love you mommy, thanks for writing this for us.